ext_26757 ([identity profile] mparkerceo.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fh_im2011-11-28 06:49 pm

London, Steampunk Universe, Portalocity stop, Monday evening

sig_and_stilettos:: I am going to shoot someone, probably a bunny-***ping gnome
Sig_and_stilettos: If I don't get a straight answer soon
Sig_and_stilettos: 20 hours in transit no clue where next stop is why is that robot staring at me? #portalocityfail
Sig_and_stilettos: NO I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY, AUTHORITARIAN RENT-A-COP

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: At this rate the gnome's gonna have to call in the Secret Service.

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: Don't hurt anyone or force them to arrest you.
blondeinvegas: I will have booze for you when you get here.

Isabel debated a moment before sending the next tweet.

blondeinvegas: Who's with you?

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: Dammit! So so so sorry.
blondeinvegas: Can I hit him when he gets here?

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:23 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: Stubborn idiot guys. More trouble sometimes...
blondeinvegas: There's a list of names and places. It's getting longer.

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: Oh the gnome is so screwed.
blondeinvegas: Maybe she's off sans phone somewhere?

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:39 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: But think of all the weapons you can stash in a bustle!
blondeinvegas: London is better then the Ice Age. Talked to someone that got stuck there.
blondeinvegas: Voicemail is good. Voicemail is very good.

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: I will make sure R has plenty of booze on hand.
blondeinvegas: If not, nostalgic trip to Caritas
blondeinvegas: Sacrifice the gnome.

[identity profile] izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
blondeinvegas: Not planning on it
blondeinvegas: He's here. Frustrated and cranky. Can't blame him.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
Trick was still en route to the island, Dugal apologizing profusely for the portal trips. Still, it gave Trick a better understanding of just what he'd be in for when he got to Fandom and had to start apologizing.

"This trip by itself practically pays the bloody debt," he mumbled. Dugal, however, insisted this would be an excellent time for Trick to start getting some hands on practice in dealing with customers and had set Trick up with his own "Twitter" account.

@PortalocityPal: What can we do to improve your current perception of Portalocity? #PortalocityCares

This would...go over well?

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:34 am (UTC)(link)
Trick's response was delayed as he glanced over to the woman in the plum pantsuit who had just begun sputtering to herself. He would have gone over to see if she were all right, but she had an attendant hovering over her already.

PortalocityPal: @sig_and_stilletos I'm sorry, I don't understand your first request. Was that a mistranslation? Perhaps this 'Auto-Correct' may be to blame?

PortalocityPal: @sig_and_stilletos @Portalocity does not recognize shoes as legal tender at this time. But answers are a possibility!

Trick was already planning on the alcohol. For both himself and any future clients.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
Uh-oh. This one was going to Fandom? Maybe she'd somehow miss the branch office he'd be opening.

Wait--19th Century Amusement Park? Trick was going to sink down further into his seat.

PortalocityPal: @sig_and_stilettos Ummm...soon? I hope. It just needs to get rerouted. The route through...New Gotham...is unusable. Sorry for the delay.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
PortalocityPal: @sig_and_stilettos I am a real person, yes. But I'd really appreciate it if you didn't sacrifice my coworkers.

PortalocityPal: @sig_and_stilettos Except possibly the gnome.

[identity profile] hotceltogoth.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
@downwithgrenfelzing: @PortalocityPal Stop with the shit PR moves and start a) apologising and b) helping to fix things?
@downwithgrenfelzing: @PortalocityPal I'm just saying, fake online 'stickers' don't really cut it and frequent flier miles only go so far when the portals don't.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
Those 'tweets' earned Dugal a nasty glare. "Do I even want to know?" he asked. And then collared the Fae before he could finish sneaking his way over to the infuriated woman in purple and feed. "You are not going to add 'snacking on passengers' to my list of things I have to fix," he hissed.

PortalocityPal: @downwithgrenfelzing You make excellent points. So I'll start with the apology. Portalocity apologizes profusely for any & all travel issues

PortalocityPal: @downwithgrenfelzing I'm being informed that I must add, this apology does not mean acceptance of any liability therein.

"I AM NOT GOING TO ADD THAT!"


PortalocityPal: @downwithgrenfelzing #PortalocityCares

[identity profile] hotceltogoth.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
@downwithgrenfelzing: #PortalocityCares for its bottom line
@downwithgrenfelzing: #PortalocityCares about its reputation
@downwithgrenfelzing: #PortalocityCares but not about you
@downwithgrenfelzing: #PortalocityCares about fake online stickers
@downwithgrenfelzing: #PortalocityCares but they won't stop lying
@downwithgrenfelzing: #PortalocityCares so cut the crap, okay?

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
Dugal was reading over Trick's shoulder. "See?" he said happily. "This one understands where we're coming from!"

Trick was developing a headache. After sending Dugal off for another meat pie, he wrote something akin to the truth.

PortalocityPal: @downwithgrenfelzing I think we can both agree that @Portalocity's reputation & bottom line are going to take a hit after this.
solo_sword: (you know...)

[personal profile] solo_sword 2011-11-29 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Be upfront about why youre having issues.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal While youre at it, fire your current PR staff.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Compensation for added portals and stops because THE PREVIOUS STOPS ARENT THERE ANYMORE.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Counseling. Both offered for those who deal with you, and you should all get some.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Let me at the gnome. I wont kill him if you hand him over willingly.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal I make no promises about other injuries.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal No more bunnies. Ever.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Donate your profit for the next year to charity AFTER that whole compensation thing.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Never make me have to deal with another saber tooth tiger in my life.
JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Die in a fire.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
"Can I give her the gnome?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"He married into the clan."

"This one promised not to kill him?" Trick was motioning for another drink. They could just leave the bottle. "It's probably the best offer we're going to get."

PortalocityPal: @JainaSolo_ I can certainly look into having 'no saber tooth tigers' added to our company policies! #PortalocityCares

"That's really the only one I can talk about?"

"Yep."

"If this one comes after me, I'm handing over the gnome, clan or not."

And then when Dugal wasn't looking, Trick wrote,
PortalocityPal: @JainaSolo_ Fire would be relatively quick.
solo_sword: (attentive)

[personal profile] solo_sword 2011-11-29 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
@JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Thats the only thing in that list, huh? Amazingly, thats better than I expected.
@JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal I have an alternate plan that ENDS in fire, if youd like to hear it...
@JainaSolo_: @PortalocityPal Though it does involve dismemberment and a LOT of crying. (Not mine.)
Edited 2011-11-29 02:53 (UTC)

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 04:21 am (UTC)(link)
PortalocityPal: @JainaSolo_ Somehow, I didn't think it would be yours.

Call it a hunch Trick had.
furnaceface: (Inventory)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
Starsless: @PortalocityPal I understand that entire worlds are falling off the map. Why hasn't anyone addressed this as reason 4 the service troubles?
Starsless: @PortalocityPal Skirting around it just makes it look as though your company is responsible for more than what we're seeing on the surface.
Starsless: @PortalocityPal ... Unless Portalocity is the cause for reality falling apart. In which case I will likely be less understanding. Far less.
Starsless: @PortalocityPal Difficult to tell what's the fault of these 'DDoS' attacks and what's just #portalocityfail plain and simple, these days.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
To his credit, Trick did immediately respond with 'reality is falling apart?!?!' Mostly because he was glaring at Dugal in ways that made the other Fae fairly uncomfortable and more than a little concerned about his continued health.

"We aren't, right?!" he demanded quietly.

"It's Portalocity policy to never admit wrongdoing--" Dugal quickly realized that was not the best tactic to take. "We're not! But we don't know what's wrong, either! YOU CAN'T JUST TELL THEM THAT!"

PortalocityPal: @starsless #Portalocityfail comes more from an inability to communicate with anyone than any real capacity to destroy reality.

"Be glad I didn't mention incompetence," Trick grumbled.

Dugal retorted with a muttered, "Using negative hashtags goes against corporate policy."
furnaceface: (Oop!)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
Starsless: @PortalocityPal ... You must be new.

It was the hashtag use that tipped him off. And the honesty. Jono was pretty sure he liked whoever this guy was.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
PortalocityPal: @starless I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing that you noticed.
furnaceface: (Lead Pipe GO)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
Starsless: @PortalocityPal Might be best if you take it as a compliment. And then find somebody to box 'round the ears.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 05:40 am (UTC)(link)
PortalocityPal: @starsless I meant for me. I'm the one who has to work with these people.

Though he was already starting a list of prospective people to hit.

PortalocityPal: @starless Might be too short to box anyone's ears. But I can always give their shins a good kicking.
furnaceface: (Not buying it)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 05:47 am (UTC)(link)
... Jono liked this one. It was official.

Starsless: @PortalocityPal So long as you make those shin-kicks count. Also, alcohol helps. Don't share.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
PortalocityPal: @starsless With my coworkers, you mean? Because I'm pretty sure alcohol is my only method of survival with customers. #PortalocityCares
furnaceface: (Default)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 05:58 am (UTC)(link)
Starsless: @PortalocityPal ... Granted. Coworkers don't deserve alcohol. Customers should be awarded it by the keg, at this point.
Starsless: @PortalocityPal Now accepting donations of brandy for friend who has been en route to Fandom since before Thanksgiving.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 06:04 am (UTC)(link)
Trick glanced around the waiting area.

PortalocityPal: @starsless I can offer you half a bottle of Glinlivet and some kind of weird American beer brewed by steam-power.
furnaceface: (Hmm.)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 06:12 am (UTC)(link)
Starsless: @PortalocityPal ... The Glenlivet sounds promising. Hard to go wrong with Scotch. Wary about septic steam-beer, though.

[identity profile] nohattrick.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 07:00 am (UTC)(link)
PortalocityPal: @starsless You saying that because it's brewed from steam or imported from America? #PortalocityCares

Even Fae knew American beers sucked. Especially Canadian Fae. And I just realized I should be spelling everything with extraneous u's and gh's!
furnaceface: (Not buying it)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-11-29 02:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Starsless: @PortalocityPal Oh, honestly. I'm an open-minded, accepting individual who has absolutely no bias against steam.

Obviously.

[identity profile] hotceltogoth.livejournal.com 2011-11-29 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
@downwithgrenfelzing: @Sig_and_stilettos There will be food and booze when you get in town
@downwithgrenfelzing: @Sig_and_stilettos Not necessarily in that order